I Want a Wii

Hahaha! That sounds like “I want a wee!” Comedy gold!

My sense of humour isn’t very sophisticated, as you can tell. I’m sure that making ‘Wii’ jokes has gradually become extinct from playgrounds across the country – because children quickly learn to accept these things. But I don’t. Nintendo’s baffling decision to name their console ‘Wii’, is certainly not the first bad naming decision. Nor will it be the last. Just today I was sent this picture:

Presumably they’re offering a pretty thrilling boat-ride…

But it’s not only inaminate objects that get given silly names. Not by any means. I have the ‘pleasure’ of working for a large global company. There are thousands of employees and comprehensive online phonebook. And when I get bored, which is obviously very rarely *cough cough* – I’ve been known to trawl through the phonebook looking for names that amuse me. I do this because I am, essentially, a ten year old, trapped in a 14 year old’s body. Although I’m nearly 30. I have to say this, though – there are some corkers! 

We could start with the ones that just have amusing words in them – the poor sod whose surname is ‘Wanker’ – the poor lady whose first name is ‘Wanka’ (in my mind they’ll get married and she will have the funniest name in the history of funny names) – there’s the lady whose first name is ‘Princess-Diana’ (don’t ever get in a car with her), Prince Albert (surely not!)…

And then there’s the Randys – Randy Conception (why?!), Randy Infant (WHAAAT?!) and – king of the Randys – Randy P. Ennis. At this point I should mention that it’s by no means obligatory to include your middle initial in the phone book. This guy just chose to. Mind-boggling stuff.

There’s a lady called Suk Mei Man (which I suppose, could be worse – if it was a man’s name), and my personal favourite – given that I work in the financial industry – ladies and gentlemen – please put your hands in the air for …

Robyn Banks.

I know it’s incredibly childish and I don’t care. You have to wonder what what through the parents’ minds. If your surname is ‘Ennis’ – what’s the one initial you would avoid at all costs? And then to couple it with ‘Randy’? It’s comic genius. When I suggested ‘comedy names’ for my son I got told in no uncertain names that it was not going to happen. Even ironic names were a no-go. “But please could we call him Christian?” (says the militant atheist) “It’d be hilarious!”. I can’t describe the look I got. And there’s nothing on Google images that even comes close. So you’ll have to use your imaginations. Or rather – I’d advise you not to. I didn’t sleep for days afterwards.

 

*This is an absolutely genuine disclaimer, and is in no way just written to avoid me getting the sack - any names used in this blog are definitely made up, and definitely, definitely not real. If they happen to be the same as any persons, living, dead or working in the City, then that’s a coincidence. Just a coincidence. Nothing more. Alright? There’s nothing to see here – now move along.*

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